confronting a fear

It was a thursday mornning. Like any other morning. It was not a wednesday morning her day off. the day she could sleep in. No it was a thursday morning. The alarm was set for 6 am. She woke up before it went off. her phone alarm that sounds like soft bells. She rolled over on to her stomach, pulling the pillow under her left knee. Turning causing the pain in her right hip. The pain she had gotten used to. Her husband lay to her right where he has always been,  wearing his shirt from the day before. His left hand on his right shoulder. She could hear the birds singing. She could smell him or maybe it was his hair that she smelled.

She lay there for a few  minutes,  finally reaching for the phone to turn off the alarm, before it rang. She sat up, throwing her legs over the side, reaching for her yoga pants on the floor, crumpled from the night before. Pain in her back, leaning over, that would ease up as the day went on.

She took a breath, staring ahead for a few minutes. She grabbed her glass of water on the night side table half full and brought it down stairs to put orange juice in. she put the kettle on for tea.  Her husband slept on. No need for him to get up.

She sat in her chair in the living room under the light. She had to leave in two hours. Had to be on the road at exactly 8 to get there by 830, always pushing it depending on traffic, sometimes eating her toast with melted cheese as she drove. Not that two hours wasn’t enough to get ready. She tended to want to take her time.

She thought about the day ahead of her, that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Thursday her worst day. her longest day. One thursday every week for weeks to come for years.

She picked up the phone her heart beating in her chest loudly, she could hear it pounding in her ears. It rang five times before someone ,Jane picked up. ” hi jane. I won’t be coming in today. in fact I won’t be in for the rest of the week. Or next week either.. Yes I know my patients. I am sorry. I will call you soon. I can’t do it any more.”

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About jensiper

I like to write now and then
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3 Responses to confronting a fear

  1. andy1076 says:

    She’s had enough of a job eating at her from inside huh?

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