The pottery thing that was mothers fell off my portable desk which is actually a wooden tray with a silver edge and a silver emblem embossed in the center which was also my mothers. I had the tray  on the floor and I was organizing its contents into new piles to be dealt with at a later date. I picked up the tray and the pottery thing fell off.  It is rectangular in shape . Cream colored and has the texture of a tree. There are two birds on it that stick out in a three dimensional way. The tails broke off both birds.  Little pieces also broke off so I cannot glue it back together like I have done other things in the past. It still sits on the desk. I keep important things in there. You can’t really tell it is broken unless you look closely. I am keeping the tails just in case.

When something breaks, I feel there is a bigger problem . I have no control.  Nothing is at it seems. There is an underlying chaos. 

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two days before july 4th

This is not about the holiday which is july 4th. it is about the other day which was July 2nd, the day I went through the red light on my way home from work on 6th ave in troy at 5pm. Well at least that is what the policeman said is what happened. He said  “I think or it looks like you might have went through a red light.” Probably the other guy. The black guy with the long dready kind of hair in a grey  T shirt driving a small black car must have said, I went through the red light. Maybe I did. I have no recollection of the light at all, so I therefore, it is very possible that I did. It is hard to imagine that I would do such a thing but you never know. I have been driving through that intersection for some twenty years. I couldn’t even tell that insurance adjustor if the road had four lanes or two lanes. I have no idea. I had to guess. Were there a lot of other cars on the road at that time. Not that I noticed. It seemed pretty empty which is odd for that road at 5 pm. I just remember the little black car flying across the road. The guy seemed happy maybe talking, looking forward. I screamed and veered to the right. He hit me in the front tire and probably bent the wheel axel. Who knows what that will entail. My brand new beautiful red car. I am mortified. The car was towed and now I have a lawyer.  I wasn’t hurt. No one was hurt. I feel like a criminal. I feel like a negligent ,older distracted ,woman.

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ear noise

It sounds like static in my left ear. It started suddenly two weeks ago. what exactly do you mean by static? It is like a crunching sound. do you mean like walking on snow? or rice krispies? yes like rice krispies. It is there all of the time. I hear it now. Has your hearing changed at all? Does it affect your hearing. Not that I am aware of. He looked at me imploringly.

via Daily Prompt: Static

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Without a trace




She never found the necklace. The one, she bought from the the girl ,who’s ear she cleaned.  She had been wearing it around her neck with a blue stone. It disappeared without a trace. Maybe it is in a drawer somewhere. She has found things before, sometimes years later, like the turquoise pendant, that turned up in the side pocket of her backpack. The one with the Save the Whale button, that she brought with her, when she went to Maine that time.

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It was over pretty quickly. quicker than you think. gone in an instant. things can change  in a day, in a moment. are we ever ready for that knock at the door or that call in the night. always when you least expect it. nothing left but pieces of what, was before, to be glued back together or gathered up and thrown away.

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Unmoored, my boat drifts untied, the sound of water lapping. I will sit back and let it go. I have my life jacket on. It is orange and smells of the sun. It is strapped around my waist and I can lean against its pillow.  Down stream with the current, safe for awhile before I must  steer, the oars resting.

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Getting lost in something

Immerse is the word of the day.

I just read a few of the posts for today. I was  pretty impressed with some of them. I really could not begin to write like that, so I guess I shouldn’t try but then again maybe I should. I have never been very good at making things up. When writing that is. Fiction. It feels awkward to me and stilted and makes me slightly nauseous. I have been immersing myself in photos recently My photos, I photo, Moving them here and there to keep them safe. It has become an obsession. Storing them in google, I cloud, hard drives, flash drives, dropbox and finally I am actually even printing them and putting them into albums. I have over 10,000 pictures on my computer. Maybe now I can finally delete most of them so I have more space. But should I really delete them? What if I need to find one of them. Will it be gone forever. I am spending way too much time on  this and it never seems to end.IMG_2381

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